A Canadian in the U.S. of A.

I have never really thought of myself as a big Canuck, though I've lived here all my life. In fact, perhaps I've been delusional, but I have always thought that if the right opportunity presented itself, I'd jump ship. I'd pack my things, leave my double double, take my chances with nonexistent health care and move to one of the less scary states in the great U.S of A. In fact there are some states I have even found myself daydreaming about. Alabama sounds lovely, Florida sunny, Southern Carolina, whoot! Texas and Arizona are obviously sizzlin' and California, well what's not to like? But this past week as I visited Ohio for a conference that turned into a lovely family vacay at a waterpark called Fort Rapids in Columbus, I made so many Canadian faux pas that it's become clear to me my ship has sailed. On my first day in Ohio, clearly exhausted by the six hour drive and determined not to sound like a silly Canadian I refrained from ordering a double double only to hand the cashier at a coffee shop loonies and toonies in exchange for breakfast and a coffee. The look on her face was priceless. She couldn't have been more stunned if I'd handed her arcade tokens from Fort Rapids. Anyways, that small gaffe under my belt I proceeded to embarrass Canadians even further during my few days outside the country. During a mandatory stop at a United States McDonald's I asked for two grilled cheese happy meals. When our cheeseburgers arrived my kids were more than a bit dismayed and I attempted to return them realizing midway through my sentence: "Don't you have grilled cheese here?" that my Canadian was showing. Oops! I was only the tiniest bit offended by the finger-pointing and chuckling that followed. If that was all that I had done during the week I could laugh but truly the mistakes only seemed to compound themselves until we finally set foot back on Canadian soil. Thankfully thoughtful husband reminded me at Arby's in Detroit there would be no Great Canadian on the menu here, so please don't order one. So au revoir dear U.S of A. I love you dearly but will not be moving any time soon. To be quite honest I've never really taken a liking to the odd confection you call iced tea. Now fetch me a double double, eh?